Tips

Don't be cheap. I'm going to break down a pizza man's wages for you:
In the store, a pizza man makes $7.25 per hour.
When he makes a delivery, he checks out on a computer and while he's out driving, he makes $4.25 per hour. Every delivery order includes a delivery fee of $1.99. The pizza man keeps $1.50 of that. So, if he spends half an hour making a delivery, and he doesn't get any extra tip, he'll continue to make $7.25 per hour, or minimum wage.
So tip your pizza man. If you don't feel like tipping, get in your car and go pick up your pizza from the store, or move your fat butt into the kitchen and make your own damn pizza.
And never say any of these things to your pizza man:
"Could you count that to make sure I'm not overpaying you?"
"Don't you wish you were doing somthing else?"
And after a 25 cent tip: "Happy Birthday."

You won't get any pizza delivered to your mansion in heaven.

Relief

I got a job. I'll be a nurse case manager at Crossroads Hospice starting July 12. I'll keep delivering pizzas until then. Being desperate for work really sucks. I only experienced that stress for about a month. I can only begin to imagine what it must be like to be unemployed for months and months and even years.
Anyway. I'm tired of ants.

A Statistic

It's surprising to learn how much of your ego is tied up into your employment.

I remember having a hard time finding a job during one of the summers between years at college. It's worse when you have a wife and 3 kids depending on you.

Every day, there's this gnawing. It's this slow, rumbling panic that bubbles and festers behind every thought and conversation. Every expenditure that's made is accompanied by the realization that there isn't any money coming in to replace it. Every interaction with your kids comes with the thought, "I wouldn't be here if I had a job." Suddenly you find yourself envious of every other person in the world who has a workplace. You even find yourself wondering if your family would be better off with a husband/father who wan't unemployed.

There was definitely an arrogant part of me that thought before, "I'm a nurse. I can get a job anywhere, anytime I want." Turns out, that isn't really the case. I've sent out about 60 applications.

This blog is read by about 2 people, so I'll say that neither of you need to worry. I have a sure-fire interview tomorrow. After that, I'll be a pizza delivery driver, the same job I had 9 years ago during the summer between semesters.

Slick

So I guess we're not going to need to drill for oil anymore since it will just be occupying the space where the Gulf of Mexico used to be. We can just walk right down to the shore line and scoop up as much as we want.
I've been reading and listening and watching this thing off and on. I've heard that the birds are going to be harder to save than the penguins that they had to clean off a few years ago because penguins have lower metabolisms and don't need to be fed while they're in cages waiting to get cleaned up.
I've heard that there could be as much as 200,000 gallons of oil spilling out of the ocean floor on a daily basis.
I've also heard that BP is offering fishermen 5,000 whole dollars in exchange for a promise to not sue them for destroying their livelihood.
Nice, eh? It's not only nice that they're trying to pre-emptively take advantage of the people that are going to be hurt most by this, but it's even MORE nice to realize that BP is apparently having meetings and assigning lawyers and paying them money to go out ot these fishing towns to screw people over. I have an idea, BP, how about you take your lawyers and fill up their pockets with gravel and old bike chains and drop them out of helicopters over the spill site and maybe they'll happen to plug up the hole in the world that you made. Eh?

Absolutely Nuthin.

I've heard people argue that pulling our troops out of Iraq and Afganistan would only make things worse for the Iraqis and the Afghans. I've heard that since we've "messed up" those countries, we have a responsibility to help them recover.
When does that responsibility end? I think we were justified in going into Afghanistan to capture the man who claimed responsibility for 9/11, but we haven't found him, and last I heard, he probably isn't even there. I recognize that the basis for the Iraq invasion was shaky at best, so I can see that we could be held responsible for bombing the hummus out of their capital. The United States certainly has killed more bystanders than anybody would like to acknowledge.
My problem with the whole situation is that our presence in those countries doesn't seem to be doing anybody any good. Our troops are dying. Their troops and police are dying. Their civilians are dying. The infrastructures that we keep pouring money into keeps getting blown up. And all those deaths and all those explosions are being used to recruit more lonely souls who can be convinced to blow themselves up. I did a quick google to try and figure out how much money the United States has spent on these wars. The estimates vary, but it sems to be around 4 TRILLION dollars. I'm pretty sure that would be enough money to pay our healthcare, or college for every child, or an elevator to the moon.
So here's my idea:
We tell both governments that all of our troops will be leaving in 6 months. ALL of them, not just "combat" troops. They have 6 months to get their act together, crack down on the corrucptions, settle things amongst the tribes or factions or whatver, and then we're gone.
"BUT, JON, IF WE DON'T FIGHT THEM THERE, THEY'LL COME HERE!!!"
Well, nonsense. But if it makes you feel better, for a fraction of the cost, we'll deploy one tenth of them to the borders and the airports to shoot anybody that looks like they might have a bomb in their van. Come to think of it, just shoot anybody driving a van.

No Soy La Migra

Almost every Mexican I've ever met has been a wonderful person. Every Puerto Rican and Hondureno, too. I've met some very nice Vietnamese immigrants, and I even played chess with very cool Sikh gentlman who had short-term memory loss.

Anyway, I just wanted to say to all my immigrant readers: Welcome. Welcome to America. We embrace you just as our forefathers were embraced by the people who welcomed them to America (right before our forefathers killed them). I ask only one thing of you.

No, no. I don't care if you know what the 3 branches of government are, nor do I care if you can recite the Pledge of Alligance. Most citizens can't do those things either. No, I don't want you to take a stupid test. I would just ask you to pay some stinking taxes.

You can even send the money you earn back to your family in Peru or wherever. I don't mind. Heck, they can come, too! As long as they PAY TAXES. When you and your employer start paying your taxes, I'll stop getting those little feelings of resentment as I see your kids using my tax dollars to get educated, and then again as you take Abuela to the emergency room because her corazon hurts.

I'm even, believe-it-or-not, hunky dory with you all becoming citizens. Why not?

If you pay, you can stay, and this country will be just as much yours as it is mine. Simple as that. Bienvenudo, and pay your taxes.

The Tiger

There's been quite a bit of press lately about the doings of one Mr. Tiger Woods and whether his inability to avoid roadside hazards should keep him from being a respected member of the golfing community. There's been all kinds of talk about the guy "disappointing all the young people that looked up to him."
I'm a nurse, and I've worked with quite a few nurses who have personal lives. I honestly don't think that their conduct at home makes them a better or worse medical professional. Likewise, Mr. Woods is still a great golfer, just as he was a great golfer during all this time when he was putting around.
So why has he lost all his sponsors? Why does he no longer get paid to pretend he loves to shave with Gillette razors or dress up in Nike dresses or eat Sony televisions? It's because he's now more famous for being a guy who cheats on his wife than he is for being a golfer.
Well, maybe that's unfair. He's famous for being a golfer who cheats on his wife. . . a LOT.
The same thing is true about politicians. If a politician gets caught cheating, people stop liking or voting for him. Why is that? It's not like people can't do their job and be unfaithful at the same time.
Well, I think it's a matter of trust. When you're a public figure, with responsibilities that impact the lives of other people, you have to a least appear to be good person.
Honestly, that's one of the things that made me prefer our current president over his opponents in both the primary and general elections. That Hillary lady stuck with he unfaithful husband for what seemed to me to be political reasons. That McCain fellow dumped his wife after he got back from war for a much younger, buxom beer-heiress. That Obama guy seems to be a fairly devoted husband and father. That might not make him the best president that ever lived, but it's a step toward being a good person.