It's surprising to learn how much of your ego is tied up into your employment.
I remember having a hard time finding a job during one of the summers between years at college. It's worse when you have a wife and 3 kids depending on you.
Every day, there's this gnawing. It's this slow, rumbling panic that bubbles and festers behind every thought and conversation. Every expenditure that's made is accompanied by the realization that there isn't any money coming in to replace it. Every interaction with your kids comes with the thought, "I wouldn't be here if I had a job." Suddenly you find yourself envious of every other person in the world who has a workplace. You even find yourself wondering if your family would be better off with a husband/father who wan't unemployed.
There was definitely an arrogant part of me that thought before, "I'm a nurse. I can get a job anywhere, anytime I want." Turns out, that isn't really the case. I've sent out about 60 applications.
This blog is read by about 2 people, so I'll say that neither of you need to worry. I have a sure-fire interview tomorrow. After that, I'll be a pizza delivery driver, the same job I had 9 years ago during the summer between semesters.
I am amazed at how many people I know who are unemployed in the U.S. right now. Responsible people with good educations. My dad was laid off and it was so scary to realize it can happen to anyone. He never expressed any of the feelings you do here in your blog, but I know they probably crossed his mind. I'm sorry you're going through this, and I'm sure it sounds like a generic consolation, but your value as a father and husband has nearly nothing to do with the money you bring home. It's your willingness and commitment to provide for your family that matters most. Your girls will probably remember this extra time you've been able to spend with them as some of the best times. I'm really sorry I can't really say or do anything that will help, but I'm sure you already know you're not alone. I hope the interview did go well!
ReplyDelete